my hands are curling
my heart skips beats
my mind is having trouble adding, thinking, not aching
my ear is pouring blood daily, now there’s a bruise behind it
forgive me, lord. i may be trying to destroy myself in reaction to the destruction others have taken upon me. forgive me.
we all have a favorite eyebrow
(Source: factota, via okaymad)
"If she’s too good for you, my god, don’t leave her. Make an effort to be good enough instead."
I want to give
I spent all night listening to people say they were going to fatten me up, that it’s not that hard, that they’d spike my food with oil. They asked my weigh and said to gain 20. Put some meat on my scrawny ass.
And as this reflection grows, their words feel more like fucking acid than they do a soothing drink. Stop changing me, god someone stop. When will I ever be accepted for ME? My hair could use this and if I keep sitting out in that sun I’m gonna look twice my age. Why did I pain my nails that color they look like they’re rotten.
Neighbor, M, came in again. This time I flipped, after another customer tried starting a fight with boyfriend, J, who was understandably pissed as neighbor harassed me about why I didn’t pick him. I’ve never done such a bitchy thing, I screamed, “Okay, bartender talking here, listen the fuck up! I don’t want no god damn fights in my bar, you hear me? You fuck one guy and suddenly they’re fucking entitled so NO FIGHTS.”
Yeah. I lost my shit. I cant be cute or meek, and nobody seems fucking pleased wih my appearance so hear me roar, assholes.
Abilify isn’t doing much. Blows.